Sometimes when I bleed from flossing, I pretend I’m in Fight Club.
1. Gained at least 10lbs
2. Managed to not throw up from drinking for a whole year, mainly because I stopped drinking
3. Became infatuated with couponing
4. Fell in lust with goat cheese
5. Got a leopard print foot tattoo because I am a leopard print whore
go shawty- its my birfday, gonna party like…. oh wait, not partying, going to spend 3 hours in chemistry lecture… w00t
Just a quick reminder to all you lovebirds since Valentine’s Day is around the corner (and boy, do I have a TON of submissions in *that* folder): Your friends do not need to know when you are literally in the midst of boning and attempting to make a baby. That’s the kind of thing you might text your girlfriend and then feel kinda dumb about saying out loud afterward. It’s certainly not the type of thing you’d tell your in-laws (well, unless you’re this woman), and it’s definitely not the type of thing you should post on Facebook.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I “can’t handle” knowing that people have sex and make babies. I fully accept and am happy for everyone in my Facebook feed who has a healthy sex life and/or is currently trying to conceive a baby. But I don’t need to know that a friend planned the occasion by reserving a room at the Fairfield Inn Marriott suites, nor do I need to know whether lubricant or foreplay were involved. I don’t need to know if the Fairfield Inn has mirrors on its ceiling (heh, yeah right) or that the couple likes to watch “Downton Abbey” to get in the mood (which would actually be hilarious). What a couple does at the Fairfield Inn Marriott suites should stay at the Fairfield Inn Marriott suites, especially since making such an announcement apparently results in reading other people’s announcements, too. Just think, if only Janelle had coordinated with Shannon in advance, they could’ve shared a suite! Frat house style! Put on a little Dave Matthews baby-making music and get to conceivin’!
(submitted by Anonymous)
In the past few days I’ve experienced a few public situations that may or may not have required intervention, but came off being just very awkward. Now I’m wondering if being courteous in some situations can actually be rude/embarrassing.
We went bowling for my dad’s birthday at 3pm on a Saturday, therefore we were stuck between two lanes of ‘tweens. The ones we were sharing the lane machine with were not actually that bad, they were just two chubby girls, but the ones behind us were a group of screaming guys and girls who literally would not sit down. They were on tween speed or something, crack hormones, I don’t know, but I don’t remember ever being THAT juiced up. Now, my parents take bowling VERY seriously. They bring their own monogrammed balls, have their own bowling shoes, relics of life before us (yeah, right, like that ever happened). My mom actually curled her hair before this I think just so that it did some Farrah Fawcet bounce when she bowled. They do the ankle twitch and the one leg flying in the air and everything. It was really embarrassing when my sister and I were but horribly self-conscious young’ns. Now it’s terribly entertaining.
Guys, I’m pretty stressed out. Not because I don’t have a job, not because I’m back in school, not because I live at home with my parents and therefore can never have sex, but because there is so much great television on tonight that:
a) I can’t watch it all at once.
b) I can’t even decide what is most important and prioritize them.
c) There is no way my tivo is going to catch all of this because it can only record one channel at a time.
d) I’m not going to be able to watch all of it tonight because I have class tomorrow morning and therefore have to sleep at some point.
For those of you thinking that football was the most important thing on TV today, you’d be dead wrong- because football isn’t even important at all, but thanks to everyone who stayed home and made my grocery shopping all the more enjoyable. Back to the point, this is what’s on tonight, all new episodes mind you: The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Watch What Happens Live, Shameless, Mob Wives, and Kourtney and Kim take New York.
Let’s start with Kourtney and Kim Take New York (E!)
Tonight is “The beginning of the end” of Kim Kardashian and ‘The Hump.’ Thank god, because Kris Humphries is honestly the worst partner ever (second to an ex of mine who shall not be named) and makes Scott Disick look like a gem, which is not even close to being true. You know that when Scott Disick has to reprimand someone about bad behavior, you’re in bad territory.
too lazy to investigate. and a little too scared.
andrea and michelle made a me snowman! (send fan stuff to verymarykate at gmail!)
At the mall with Chelsea. I’m guessing Sephora is Italian for boyfriend prison.